My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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