And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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