$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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