why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
