I think I am morally bankrupt
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
