you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
