Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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