if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My bed smells like the plague
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
