You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
