I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I love having hate sex.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
