You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
