If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
