I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
