About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
