So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
