can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
