i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
