Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
