What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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