Plan B is the new Plan A
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
