Do you still have your period?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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