help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
