what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
