She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Randomize
