just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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