I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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