it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
