Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
