im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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