I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
