You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
