Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
