Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
