i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
