omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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