I think I just saw someone hide a body.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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