she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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