I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
