so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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