I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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