FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
