I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
