Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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