Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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