turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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