Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
