Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
