Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
