they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
