ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
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