the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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